Kitija Ozolina · Awareness Mentor for Mothers
What to say when your teen feels under pressure
You might want to answer quickly.
“No, you won’t.”
“You’re clever.”
“You just need to study.”
You mean to help.
But before you give them a plan, find out what they are carrying.
I always tell my sons to study during the year, and then exams will be easier. It has worked for us. If the worry comes anyway, I tell him: do what you know, and I love you either way. If I can see he has put the effort in, that is enough. It is normal to worry. Adults still worry too.
“What is worrying you most?”
Perhaps it is one subject.
Or they don’t know where to start.
Or they are afraid of disappointing you.
You don’t have to guess.
“That sounds like a lot. Tell me more.”
Try not to compare them with a sibling.
Or explain how much harder things were when you were young.
Stay with the problem they are describing.
“Would it help if I listened, helped you make a plan, or helped you speak to someone at school?”
They may need different things on different days.
A whole exam season can feel like too much.
Choose one next action.
“We don’t have to solve the whole month tonight. What is the next useful step?”
“I care about your effort and how you’re doing. A result does not decide how much you matter to me.”
You can take school seriously without making love sound like a reward for good marks.
If the distress is lasting, getting worse, or stopping them from managing daily life, speak with their school and a health professional. If they talk about hurting themselves or not wanting to live, seek urgent help.
My parenting manual includes exams, pressure, fear of failing, and staying connected through the teenage years.
With love, Kitija 🤍
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