Kitija Ozolina · Awareness Mentor for Mothers
The words to go back with
For younger children. Use fewer words for a younger child.
Perhaps you shouted.
Slammed something down.
Said something you wish you could take back.
You cannot undo the moment.
But you can take responsibility for it.
If you are still close to losing control, get support.
If you need a brief pause, make sure your child is safely cared for.
“I need a moment to calm down. You haven’t done anything wrong by having feelings.”
“I shouted.”
“I said something unkind.”
Simple words are enough.
“I’m sorry I shouted. It was my job to handle my anger.”
Not:
“I’m sorry, but you weren’t listening.”
You can address their behavior separately.
“Do you want to tell me anything about what happened?”
They may not answer.
They may disagree with how you remember it.
Listen without demanding that they feel better quickly.
“Would you like a cuddle, or would you like some space?”
Their answer does not decide whether your apology counted.
“Next time I feel that angry, I’m going to stop speaking and ask for help.”
Make it your plan.
Not a job your child has to do for you.
An apology matters.
So does reducing the chance that the same thing keeps happening.
If you have hurt your child, arrange medical help where needed. If you fear you may hurt them, seek immediate support and make sure they are with a safe adult.
My parenting manual includes snapping, repair, and what to do when you have hit or hurt your child.
With love, Kitija 🤍
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