Kitija Ozolina · Awareness Mentor for Mothers
What to say without becoming the referee
For younger children who can take part in a short conversation. Younger siblings will need more help.
“She started it.”
“He always gets it.”
“That’s mine.”
You arrive halfway through the story.
Both children want you to choose a side.
Before deciding who is right, find out what needs to happen now.
“I won’t let you hit each other. Move apart.”
You can hear the story once everyone is safe.
“I didn’t see how this began. I’m going to listen to each of you.”
You don’t need to pretend you know what happened.
“Tell me what happened for you.”
Keep the other child from interrupting as best you can.
Hearing both children does not mean treating harmful behavior as equal.
“You both want the same toy.”
“You want to play alone, and your sister wants to join.”
A clear problem is easier to work on than “you two are always fighting.”
Perhaps they can take turns.
Or the toy needs a break.
Or one child needs their own space protected.
Not every answer has to be sharing.
If the same argument keeps happening, change something before the next fight.
A turn-taking plan.
Separate places for special belongings.
More supervision during a difficult activity.
Clear limits and calm teaching matter more than deciding who is the “bad” child.
Fair does not always mean identical.
You can hear both children while still protecting the one who is being hurt.
My parenting manual includes siblings, fairness, friendship, boundaries, and giving each child time with you.
With love, Kitija 🤍
The book is not on sale yet. You can read a free part of it now.
Read a free part →