Kitija Ozolina · Awareness Mentor for Mothers
What to say during a tantrum
For parents of toddlers and preschoolers.
You said no.
Now your child is crying on the floor.
Perhaps you feel watched.
You want to explain until they understand.
Or give in so the noise stops.
Start with safety.
Then keep the message simple.
Move away from traffic, sharp objects, or anything that could hurt someone.
If your child is hitting or kicking, make space and stop the unsafe action.
“You wanted another cookie. We’re not having another.”
You don’t need to explain it six different ways.
“You’re disappointed.”
“You really wanted it.”
This is not the same as changing the answer.
“I can sit here.”
“Would you like me close or a little further away?”
Some children want contact.
Some don’t.
Stay attentive and keep them safe.
Once things have settled, you can talk briefly.
“You were angry. Next time you can say, ‘I’m cross.’ I won’t let you hit.”
A long lesson is not needed.
Were they hungry?
Was it a long day?
Had several plans changed?
You cannot prevent every tantrum.
But you may find one thing that makes the next situation easier.
“You can be upset. The answer is still no.”
Say it kindly.
Not as a challenge.
My parenting manual has chapters on tantrums, big feelings, boundaries, and what to do when the usual advice is not helping.
With love, Kitija 🤍
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